I have the opportunity to teach classes to first responder agencies on a regular basis. While teaching a class back-to-back about personality types in the workplace in 2023, I experienced something remarkable. After each session, someone approached me with the exact same questions:
- “What happens when my identity is wrapped up in my job?”
- “How do I fix my relationship with my spouse? We feel like roommates.”
These weren’t just random questions. They came from volunteer firefighters – people whose calling often becomes their identity. Firefighting offers it all: the feeling of being needed, the chance to serve others, the adrenaline rush, and a unique brotherhood that outsiders struggle to understand.
But here’s the thing – you don’t have to be a firefighter to fall into this trap. I know because I’ve been there.
My Wake-Up Call
Nine years into my marriage, I barely knew my husband anymore. I was working 60+ hours while getting paid for 40, spending countless nights in hotels, and missing my daughter’s childhood. My phone never stopped ringing, and from March to October, every Saturday was spent teaching classes to first responders or representing our agency at events. I thought I was living the American Dream, but I was actually neglecting what mattered most.
When these firefighters approached me in 2023, I saw my past self in their struggles. Had they asked me these questions in 2021, I would have given empty advice about “making more time for family” – advice I wasn’t following myself.
The Turning Point
Everything changed in the fall of 2021. Through a ReEngage class at our church, I learned to prioritize: God first, family second, everything else third. That January, I made the decision to get baptized.
Galatians 2:20 became my anchor: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
The first hard part in this transformation? Identifying my idols.
The next hardest part? Recognizing my pride and being willing to let it go.
I had taken immense pride in being the go-to person – the one who took calls at 9 PM, solved problems at 2 AM, and held exit interviews at 5 AM. I was the ultimate people pleaser, defining myself by my job title, responsibilities, and ability to solve problems for others.
Finding True Identity
Six months after my baptism, my professional world fell apart. My title changed, my role shifted, and my major project was shelved. At the time, it felt like losing my identity. In reality, I was finally finding it.
As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
As I reflect back on my conversation with one of the firefighters, I vividly remember his words.
“I am worried about losing my place in the community.”
I shared four key insights:
1. Don’t abandon everything – keep what truly matters (in his case, serving one fire department instead of two).
2. Remember that while the community needs you, your family needs you more.
3. Trust that putting God first, family second, and everything else third will transform your life.
4. Embrace your identity as a child of God – no community status or title can compare.
The Journey Forward
People often ask how long this transformation takes. While choosing to put God first takes just a moment, the journey of understanding and accepting this new identity varies for everyone.
For me? 14 months after I “chose” to put God first, I left the role that had truly defined me. 8 months into my new career path, rhythm, and life, I finally accepted my calling wasn’t that position or identity. This understanding deepened as I grew closer to Christ, but it was really hard to let go of. If I am totally honest, there are days I still miss it immensely, but then I look at the relationship I have rebuilt with my daughter and my husband, and I thank God for giving me grace and putting people in my path to teach me: YOUR JOB IS NOT YOUR IDENTITY.
If you’re struggling with identity beyond your job, if your relationships are suffering because of it – let’s talk. Schedule a 30 minute time on my calendar for us to visit. If you’re local, I’ll even buy you lunch. I know how hard it is to let go, how grateful I was to have people who walked beside me, and how wonderful it is to have the right identity.
Remember: Your true identity isn’t in what you do, but in whose you are.