One of the best podcasts I have listened to recently featured an interview with Ian Morgan Cron on the anatomy of addiction and the illusion of pain relief. Cron was a guest on episode 427 of the Win Today podcast with Christopher Cook.
Truthfully, you can skip reading my post and just click here to listen to the podcast – it’s that good!
The thing that stood out the most is how we are all unknowingly addicted to relief in some way.
Hidden Addictions: How We’re All Seeking Relief in Unexpected Ways
The thing that stood out the most is how we are all unknowingly addicted to relief in some way. As Cron explains in the podcast, addiction isn’t limited to substances like alcohol or drugs—it extends to countless behaviors we rarely identify as problematic. Many of us are addicted to social media validation, constantly checking our phones for likes and comments that give us a dopamine hit. Others find themselves trapped in workaholism, using achievement and productivity as ways to numb deeper feelings of inadequacy. Even seemingly positive habits like excessive exercise, perfectionism in parenting, or over-scheduling can become ways we avoid sitting with uncomfortable emotions.
Cron specifically mentions people-pleasing, excessive control over our environments, and even the simple act of having our phones in our hands as forms of self-medication. These behaviors often start innocently as coping mechanisms but gradually take on addictive qualities when they become our go-to solution for internal distress—what Cron describes as “external solutions to internal problems.” The most revealing question he poses is whether we’re seeking true transformation or just pain relief with these “fixes”, which forces us to examine these everyday dependencies with new awareness.
The Corrosive Power of Secrets: Why Healing Requires Honesty
Cron also shares how secrets keep us trapped in cycles of shame and addiction. “For as long as we hold on to a secret, we’re at war with ourselves,” he explains, referencing Gabor Maté. Cron emphasizes that while oversharing isn’t the goal, complete isolation is dangerous. I particularly loved when he said, “we get sick alone and we heal together.”
Cron shares wisdom from his own journey, stating “Not everybody needs to know everything about you, but at least one person does.” This approach acknowledges that secrets are like mildew that “grows in the dark,” gradually undermining our spiritual health and creating feelings of alienation from others, ourselves, and God.
Most of the podcast is centered around utilizing the 12 Steps to address healing from any addiction. Secrets are handled directly through Step 5, which involves admitting “to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” By bringing these hidden struggles into the light with a trusted person, we begin the process of defanging their power over us. Cron’s personal experience demonstrates how this stewardship of secrets—not broadcasting them widely but refusing to let them fester in isolation—becomes a crucial component of lasting transformation.
Reformation vs. Transformation: The Essential Difference in Lasting Change
Another insight Cron shared in the podcast is the critical distinction between reformation and transformation. Reformation, as he explains, is the exhausting process of trying to change yourself through sheer willpower and determination—a path many of us default to when attempting personal growth. “I’ll tell you what, I’m going to become the best Christian that ever lived, and I’m going to do it on my own unaided willpower,” Cron says, describing this mindset. “Well, good luck with that. That’s called reformation, and actually, reformation is in direct opposition to grace.”
Transformation, by contrast, operates on an entirely different principle. It isn’t about trying harder but about surrendering more fully. In Cron’s words, “Transformation is what happens when you offer God consent to do in you what you cannot do for yourself.” This approach acknowledges our fundamental powerlessness over many of our deepest struggles—what the 12 Steps capture in their opening declaration: “I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him.”
The distinction becomes clearer when we observe the results. Reformation produces temporary behavior modification that requires constant effort and vigilance, often leading to exhaustion and eventual relapse. Transformation, however, creates change from the inside out—shifting desires rather than just restraining them. Cron describes the evidence of transformation as that surprising moment when “you begin to witness transformation happening inside your heart and in your behaviors without you really doing anything. It’s like suddenly you’re just changing from the inside out, not the outside in.” This type of change doesn’t require white-knuckling through temptation but instead moves us organically toward different choices as our inner landscape shifts.
Far from being passive, transformation involves active cooperation with a power greater than ourselves. As Cron explains, “Grace doesn’t oppose trying; it opposes earning.” We still show up, take action, and participate in the process, but with a profound recognition that deep and lasting change ultimately requires intervention beyond our own capabilities.
The Crucial Question: Do You Want Change or Just Pain Relief?
Perhaps the most penetrating question raised in the entire podcast comes when Cron asks, “Do you want change or do you just want pain relief?” This deceptively simple inquiry cuts straight to the heart of why many transformation attempts often fail.
As Cron explains in the conversation, “Sometimes we think what we want is change, but what we really want is something or somebody to take the pain away.” This distinction illuminates the crossroads many of us face in our healing journeys. We say we want transformation, but what we often pursue are quick fixes that merely numb our discomfort without addressing its roots.
Cron elaborates that this question helps him “sort out good clients in therapy from [the] ones who aren’t ready.” The readiness for genuine change involves a willingness to face pain rather than just eliminate it. As he puts it, many people “don’t really want to do the deep inner work that’s required to change, right? Which would then alleviate the distress.”
This insight explains why approaches like the 12 Steps can initially seem daunting. Cron notes that while the first three steps are relatively manageable, “when you get to four and five, which involve making a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself and then admitting to God to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs, like now we’re starting to get into the nitty-gritty here.” This is precisely the point where many people abandon the process—when it requires confronting pain rather than just relieving it.
The metaphor Cron shares about his friend with hip pain powerfully illustrates this principle. His friend avoided surgery for years due to fear, choosing instead to live with chronic pain. Only when “that hip caused him more pain than he was willing to live with anymore” did he finally opt for surgery. Afterward, his friend marveled: “I can’t believe I waited this long. I can’t believe how much energy, how much life that pain sucked out of me for so many years.”
This pattern mirrors our relationship with emotional and spiritual pain. We often adapt to chronic emotional suffering, developing elaborate coping mechanisms rather than addressing the underlying issues. The irony, as Cron points out, is that “the pain of not changing, I think is worst in the long run.”
The question—change or mere pain relief?—invites us to honest self-reflection about our true motivations and whether we’re prepared for the demanding but ultimately liberating work of genuine transformation.
The Path Forward: Embracing Transformation Over Relief
As this profound conversation between Christopher Cook and Ian Morgan Cron reveals, the journey from addiction to freedom isn’t about finding better painkillers—it’s about healing the wounds that cause us pain in the first place. The 12 Steps offer a time-tested framework that extends far beyond substance addiction to address the universal human struggle with fear, secrets, and our tendency to seek quick relief over lasting change. Whether your particular “addiction” is to your phone, people’s approval, work, or something traditionally recognized as addictive, the principles remain the same: admit powerlessness, seek help beyond yourself, address the underlying causes with ruthless honesty, and commit to a lifestyle that nurtures ongoing transformation. As Cron powerfully demonstrates through his own story, this path isn’t just about breaking free from destructive patterns—it’s about experiencing a spiritual awakening that renders those patterns unnecessary. In a culture obsessed with quick fixes and pain avoidance, this countercultural message offers something far more valuable: the possibility of genuine freedom and a life characterized by purpose rather than compulsion. The choice, as always, remains ours—will we settle for temporary relief, or will we embrace the challenging but infinitely rewarding path of true transformation?
You can find the episode at wintoday.tv/episode427 – let us know if you check it out!